tEnNis!

2012-02-11T09:29:00.006+08:00

1) toasted bread with scrambled eggs and bacon! OMG yum :D chef mun (or emma if you wanna say)

2)er.....snowman with boobs...not my idea =.=

3) snowman with.....not my idea either

4) soft fluffy snowball!

5)ghalia, najat and luffa playing in the snow!

6) dinner!!! overcooked but was really so good :D

7)ghalia's 18th birthday! (:

8)box sent from family! (: (L)

9) chicken breast sandwich from nandos!! mm

10) group that i hang with :D (back from left: najat, fouynn, luffy, ghalia, leo. front: gerald, me)

11) cooked lunch!! (: it was so super nice!!

2012-02-06T06:40:00.002+08:00

yesterda and today n the snow... fun

cooking with classmates, fun!

theres still something missing in my life

everybody at home (; (L)

2012-02-04T20:05:00.002+08:00

hi guys! going for a movie soon! gotta bathe! (: bought a new pillow and this time the dream wasn't so bad :D hahaha thats good! anyway i woke up and cooked scrambled eggs :D NICE!! and the extra bone in my foot hurts :\ ahwells!!!! miss everybody at home ._. ohwells! ok ok kinda need to go :\ cya guys soon :D

2012-02-02T05:18:00.002+08:00

hiya!

bored so I'm posting! nothing much! weather getting colder and all! doing more cooking! hmm listening to possible songs to cover and learning bg and thinking of arrangement! (: when I'm back of course! damn i still scared of singing loud here :\ and i keep getting bad dreams :\ hmmM! ah sian i keep complaining! =.= I KEEP COMPLAINING!! =.= think everybody is tired of it =.= shouldn't complain too much! maybe movie again this weekend o.o oh and I'm aching SO BAD I TELL YOU!!!! never thought i'd ache here =.=

oh I'm on search for nerd specs right now o.o can't really find! ._.

51 days ._. haiz

2012-02-01T06:03:00.004+08:00

hey everybody!

hmm recently, idk not much change! went for my first volleyball training! was really fun (: hahaha although I'm still really noob at it!! ahwells it takes practice! so now my hands are bruised and swollen and aching! and then i went for tennis today and then it was so freaking cold like 1 degrees and i think it dropped below zero after that! i couldn't feel my hands at all! so i couldn't toss the ball properly, racket kept twisting in my hand! o.o woah! anyway so now I'm aching all over the place! chem practical assessment tmr! ._.

anyway now I'm kinda trying to cook more because its healthier i guess! and it saves so much more money!!!! 52 days omg :\ at least tmr is january! but that means still got a whole months and 23 days to go ): CANT WAIT! everybody at home is kinda stressed and stuff and idk how to help :\ and i really really miss jesse! really miss her ):

and new j1s in! if i were still in school i wouldn't be too happy about it =.= idk just don't really like juniors coming in, crowds the school and all! ahwells okay hand aching too much! cya~

this one is rice with sprinkles and lettuce and egg! with campbell soup :D it was super yummy omg!

this is rice and sprinkles with baked beans!

i know my cooking may not look so nice but it really tastes nice haha (: as long as theres a taste of home! it feels better

2012-01-29T04:45:00.001+08:00

Jet Lag - Simple Plan (ft. Natasha)

What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
Back at home you feel so far
Waitin' for the phone to ring
It's gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down
I don't even wanna be in this town
Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin' me crazy

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

What time is it where you are?
Five more days and I'll be home
I keep your picture in my car
I hate the thought of you alone
I've been keepin' busy all the time
Just to try to keep you off my mind
Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Is so jet lagged

I miss you so bad [x5]
I wanna share your horizon
I miss you so bad
And see the same sunrising
I miss you so bad
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss when you say good morning
But it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Is so jetlagged
Is so jetlagged

2012-01-29T03:29:00.002+08:00

haiz miss friends in singapore so bad ): nobody will understand me like they do! i'll never have as much fun with anybody else. and i miss home so much, miss jesse so much! can't wait to go back and run into the arms of the people who i love!!! haiz ): i feel like here i so useless!

went out the town with classmates a few times these few days! but ah wells, so sian, wanna go home yknow, see the things that i used to see, do the things that i used to do, be with people who would only make me happy, comfortable! do things for people who i love, celebrate and have fun with people that I'm so used to! i keep reminding myself its only 14h apart! well it is, but this 14h doesnt mean i can see them anytime i want!

i wanna be able to go back and talk to jesse when I'm upset, spend time with her and tell her stuff that i can't tell anybody, or maybe just talk to her in my head cause i hate saying stuff out. idk, just be in my room, sing as loud as i want to, play music really loudest and dance around, play the drums when i want to, eat food that i love eating, feel the warm breeze and look at the trees swinging around my garden, sit on the porch with jesse and enjoy the breeze with her, play tennis and be able to feel my hands,serve properly without a jacket thats restricting me.

55 days to go.

mum keeps telling me i shouldn't hold on to my friends so much ! i know eventually we will drift and drift further and further but no matter how far i aint gonna let go of these friends even if they do!

i miss y'all so much )': i should just fly back every weekend! i don't like the new life here

2012-01-25T07:02:00.002+08:00

hey!!

omg im so freaing tired! i was on the courts for like 4h straight? 1.5h training, 1h running around picking balls and demonstrating in the beginner class o.o then 1.5h playing again! omg....my knees are like gone omg!! ): ITS BACK!! it got better and now its back! omg this sucks.

anyways i wanna thank my friends for the video they made me....it was...special..not good enough...mmm..it was just..the best! THE BEST!!!!! its like literally the best birthday present i had!!! its so touching omg! and special thanks to glendat who made the video! THANKS SO MUCH BUDDY!!! i know i don't say thanks enough...but thats cause i can't express how i feel into words! its just...the feeling is there and i wanna show it but i can't put it in words i'd show it in action! ah y'all know that!

i actually made a video to give them, to say thanks! but now I'm kinda too embarrassed to show it to them so i guess we're scraping the idea =.= hhaha. oh btw yesterday on fb i saw this oreo add of a little girl sky ping with her dad and eating oreos! :D with milk together! so i asked glendas grace and shannon to eat oreos with mik with me on sat night :D hehehe looking forward to that!

the bread here doenst last..i guess cause its fresh? so like it only lasts for 2 days max! =.= so i can't finish and I'm gonna feed it to the ducks tmr cause it expired =.=okay I'm so tired!!

2012-01-21T06:36:00.003+08:00

today was like the worst day ever

had dreams of home again and woke a few times, then woke at 9. then dressed up to go library to find classmates which i couldn't find. walked around for 15 min mindlessly and then went to collect jesse's clothes. Then went to collect NUS card, then went back. nothing to do! stone and stone then went to the lake, thought of studying there, so i went back to get work. then went there, then too cold, so went back, take clothes, bought sandwich, then went there and ended up feeding the ducks instead, which was like the best part. but all the time i felt so lonely.like nobody to be with me and share the nice and horrible stuff with, only on whatsapp, which like isn't enough. i like haven't said more than 30 words today.

then too cold, so went back, and stoned. then webcammed friends and family which was like the best part! esp with ggg,j, and the tv. after that went to vb. went there waited till 8, oh nobody. asked reception if there was class she said yep at 9pm. so loiter around for 1h, so freaking bored. then 9pm..nobody there!.....9.15...nobody there! this is like the freaking second time i went there and waiting for something to start which doesn't.

then ok nvm went to take bus. then for some reason i just got of one stop after the park, which was not my stop. then idk what to do, and it was some ulu place and i was all alone and freaking cold =.= so pissed. and scared! considered walking but remembered it wasn't singapore. then next bus, 40min _|_ okay so wait 40min finally got on the bus. went back, and got lost in the uni. so dark and scary so started running! finally ran back home, and I'm not even finished. nobody to whatsapp nobody to text I'm so fking lonely and scared and i just wanna go home where i feel so comfortable.and where there is people to text, people to talk to. I'm just talking to myself, talking to the ducks all day and talking to the computer to talk to my friends and even my dog who doesn't even know I'm talking to her.

and to continue, i came back and on my light and it wouldn't on. and i use it as my night light....omg I'm so pissed I'm so depressed I'm like going crazy here! I'm so tired but i don't wanna sleep because i know i'll just keep dreaming of my home and ITS NOT A NICE DREAM ANYMORE.its just replay of the sad things that happened, gonna happen, all the memories i miss...everything that people at home can do and i can't! and i haven't seen anyone that went overseas to study as unhappy as me before. whats all this man...im so sick and tired of it!!! i just wanna go home man i wanna have a nice good night sleep, i wanna sleep on a bed with my pillows that is not hard, walk on a floor that isn't dirty, wash up in a toilet that does not have dust no matter how much i clean it, cook in a kitchen that is clean and smells nice,listen to music in a speaker plays music properly, talk to everybody and meet up as and when i like.

i really really really want to go back right now, like even on the weekends or something, idk, idc. comfort words...comfort texts arnt even enough although they do help. and the worst thing is I'm going through something that nobody at home have experienced. so nobody freaking understands enough how freaking hard is this man! i don't even wanna tell them because it'll be all that i'll talk about. i don't wanna tell my parents because i just don't like talking about this kinda stuff to them.i can't even tell jesse because she's not here. this is so pathetic. i don't know how I'm gonna stand all this know.it doesn't seem possible right now. 63 days. its only been 18 days....

i swear I'm going crazy here.

and mummy stop reading my blog because i need some privacy.

2012-01-19T03:15:00.003+08:00

comfort please....?

january is like the month of crying now
when i said goodbye, i cried
when i boarded the plane, i cried
when i saw jesse on webcam, i cried
when glendas sent me photos of jesse, i cried
when my dad went home, i cried
when i dreamt of home i cried
when my mum went home, i cried
in the middle of the night, i cried

..now I'm here on my own, and i cry
still waiting for the time where its all okay
or maybe just the time when i can go back.
or maybe just the time where i can finally stay in singapore with my family and friends
how am i gonna get through 4 years of studying overseas, right now it just doenst seem possible, hoping that it will be soon

but every time i cry i try to remind myself that this is sorta what i choose, its my decisions that put me in the place that i am now, and i can only work forward from here. although nobody, or hardly anybody can understand how i feel right now, thats fine. people here rant feeling as homesick as i am somehow. also must constantly remind myself that I'm only a phone call, a Skype call oovoo call, whatsapp message, and 14h plane flight away from home. that actually seems like a long while for me. everyday i just feel like sitting in my room and crying my eyes out, but remember mun that a lot of money was spent on this and the only thing you can do right now is to work hard and repay them. and i can't wait for that day to come because i'd finally be able to repay all the love and effort that people around me have given to me, esp my family. i need to stop crying, just counting till the day where i won't be alone.

2012-01-18T05:56:00.004+08:00

hey!

ok omg its late!! its 10pm here and i always sleep at 9+...ahwells!

today went for the advanced tennis session! well it was....i didn't expect everyone there to be older....like much much older! but anyways had a good hit, haven't played for awhile! had first chem class today too! teacher was really quite boring! but ohman...we were learning like the periodic table etc! -.- 2h chem then 2h eng straight, really kills you! its some weird timetable! oh anyway the coach asked me to go down at 5pm to hit with the performance squad which is all guys and the oldest is 15.. =.=

and then i said like "okay sure :D i'll have to ask my mum about it anyway" then i thought..ASK MY MUM?!?!?! oh my god, what kind of university student am i??!?!?!? wts!!!! I'm so embrrassed i hope they don't look down =.= but i really needed time to think haha I'm so paiseh to do anything :\

also, thinking of joining volleyball! maybe once per week or something idk but...i like volleyball! oh! playing tennis in the cold is like..wow! first my hands were so cold i totally couldn't feel them and couldn't control the racket! but after awhile it's okay! mmmm today morning i woke up and saw that the lake was frozen and walked out in my pajamas cause i couldn't wait to see it! and it is...beautiful.....

okay gotta run! last night with mum )': hate to admit it but I'm kinda unsure about living alone :\ ah okay bye!

oh click to enlarge (:

2012-01-17T05:17:00.002+08:00

went to the tennis team practice today and waited for 1h in the cold and almost died only coming home to realize that they sent an email to me saying that its canceled due to frosty conditions =.=

ah should have known! the tennis court was covered in frost anyway =.=

still...brrr hope i don't fall sick! staying in the guest room my mum rented anyway.ahwells :\

school today was sian! 3h eng 3h math! ohwells....

ok gtg sleep!, tennis course tmr lol, not team training.lazy to post pictures. oh btw the math....er the professor times the unknown over in an inequality equation =.= and he doesn't understand ohman.

2012-01-15T03:36:00.005+08:00

hey!!

kinda distracted now because 17 again is on tv! hah wanted to like post and do some work but i guess ): damn! anyway, i spend the day shopping! schools starts on monday! and i ate TGIF again :D hehe its really really nice okay! please go try the jack daniel's ribs! OH MY GOSHHHH! ITS SERIOUSLY...YUM! okay mum and i probably go back and eat it before she leaves!

and tbh, I'm kinda scared for the time when she leaves :\ I feel alone ): i think I'm gonna feel alone :\ like scared of all the stuff and all! ah ): sian, this inner fear which i don't wanna think or admit but have to! ahwells! anyway, bought new stuff! (: love the clothes here! ok I'm really distracted! okay imma post pictures and watch 17 again aha and torrent it! OMG OH YEAH DVDs are really really cheap here!

jesse..and my two buddys (: and dodo of course

2012-01-13T05:26:00.002+08:00

watch the parent trap? (: recently watched it at the hotel TV haha it was really good! forgot how good it was! really touching and heartwarming (: shall go get the movie!

anyway, friday already, my hands are really tired from typing! anyway, hope everything is okay for everybody (: okay imma go rest hahah (: cya i'll post longer/with more stuff next time

2012-01-12T17:20:00.002+08:00

woke up this morning with my two gs sending pictures of jesse to me as they visited her! i miss jesse so much ): and started tearing ohmy ): i miss talking to people in singapore ): haiz I'm not even halfway through ):

2012-01-11T05:24:00.001+08:00

dodo went back today ):

i miss him )':

2012-01-10T06:06:00.003+08:00

hello!

kinda late so i'll make it a fast one! today first day of school! lots awkwardness! i don't know anybody and i want my friends back ): feel so lonely esp sitting in the LT alone! ): anyway nothing much today tmr have some small english test so sian! just got a prepaid SIM card! dad bought a mini fridge which isn't so mini so i kinda got pissed cause i kinda decided i wanna be normal and put my stuff in the common fridge! worst he bought a printer which i don't think i need so waste so much money I'm so angry!!!!!

anyway tired gtg! cya! oh, ate at TGIF!

2012-01-09T02:16:00.004+08:00

hiya!

things not so good lately? not like bad bad but, worst than usual! ohwells :\

realized its so hard to communicate with people at home ): aish, maybe its gonna get better when i get my SIM card but right now, its really hard -.- and theres the part where you start wondering whether people actually care to talk to you/want to because i want to talk to everybody but not vice versa all the time! UGH SO HARD!

on the way back to the hotel on the train was listening to songs and they were all reminding me of things at home! was forcing myself not to think of that or i'll just start getting emo memo again! ): was missing jesse a lot too )": i really miss her! every time i do that i'll have to try so hard not to think that I'm stuck here till march :\ agh

ahwells, school starts tmr for everyone! so sian :| i am in no mood to meet new people! so stressed already ): oh today tried to go kings cross to see the HP thing but couldn't find it -.- so.... sian! then went to chinatown for lunch again! and now back at 5+ so I'm gonna go gym to jog awhile or something! haven't exercised for so long because i was considering becoming tofu just to try how it feels =.=

ohman! anyway bought nerd specs and sunglasses from a souvenir shop today! moompe thought she looked good in them! HAHA! tried yogurt yesterday with my mum's boss and is was really good! and saw some marshmallow thing too but didn't try! oh and the portion for the food here..omg..the pao's are humongous! and so is the bread! omg =.= stocked up on more noodles lol! my hair is gonna drop out! feel like jamming with VGM! kook gtg cya~

p.s the cherry coke remind me of US (:

2012-01-07T04:56:00.003+08:00

hi guys!

well today...mmm soso? went to get groceries and toiletries, then went to visit relatives and took the wrong train so we took longer than usual to get back! =.= haha just ate thai dinner again and now I'm full so i don't wanna sleep but I am so damn tired! still jet lagging pretty badly!

Tmr gonna go king's cross station! then from there go visit my mum's boss for lunch :D OMG I'm so excited!!! harry potter filmed there! and for all you people here, i will at least think of running into the wall there! i'll post pictures tmr so hopefully i really do ggo there! Realised theres a harry potter tour at the warner bro's studios! OMG but they only have it in april, maybe i'll go then!

gonna move in tmr too :\ ah so scary ): i half don't really wanna move in ): oh no haiz! nobody can share how i feel right now i realized I'm pretty much alone! but to those at home, if you're not on my mind, you're somewhere at the back of it because I'm thinking of you guys constantly! (L)

today tried to be superwoman and wore one layer plus outer coat-.- didn't know we were gonna reach home so late so i was practically dying lol! heard from relatives that its gonna get colder :\ eee! hopefully theres some snow so at least i can post it here and share it with you guys! i wanna share everything with you guys :D hopefully people here will do the same! ohwells gotta get some sleep, night~

oh and i wanna say too, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMY :D :D :D love you!!!!! and miss you a lot too! sorry can't be there for your bday! and sorry couldn't Skype you either! but hopefully you had a good bday :D a special day for you!! (:

okay cya guys!

when i saw this, i thought of what somebody said! that no matter how far we are, we'll always be looking at the same sky!! (L)~
huge strawberries at the market!!

& mcdonalds for breakfast again! but nice :D hardly eat macs at home!

2012-01-06T04:06:00.003+08:00

hi guys!

today went to london! morning went to wimbledon! OMG SO EXCITING! the scores were still on the board! djo vs. nadal! SO COOL RIGHT! then i bought some stuff for teammies :D hehehe! then went to chinatown in london and tried duck rice :D haha cool right! i accidentally broke a chai xin bottle in the shop and couldn't find the lady so my mum just said leave it :\ i feel so bad but ohwells nothing much i can do =.= LOL! tmr gonna go grocery shopping and visit relatives! hopefully it'll be an okay day!

weather isn't so cold today! in fact kinda hot! the trains are kinda clean :O haha mm at chinatown i saw these hello kitty locks and thought of buying one for amanda but didn't have enough coins! then it suddenly hit me that hmm i really can't stop thinking of you guys here ): and esp my team and smiggles! i really really miss you guys i wanna be with you guys ): and just letting you guys know although nobody reads this blog, that i am&will be thinking of you guys no matter what! love~

2011-12-31T12:49:00.003+08:00

last day of 2011 that is...

time is really flying right! ohman :\ im jam packed for the next few days, better make everything worth while! got lotsa things to do! LOTS and i was sick last night i slept for 12h now its just flu and cough so hopefully get well soon!

well having VGM session later! plus family new years dinner at night! hmm steamboat! (: hhaha although im not very interested in those kinda stuff! watched a whole episode of friends last night,i wanna buy the next 5 seasons ): anyway, this morning i woke up missing jesse so much, and i spent the next 1111 and 1234 wishing i wouldnt miss her so much. i love her ):

okay stop loving everything here.

2011-12-27T02:09:00.005+08:00

hi

i am currently too tired to post everything that has happened today. it was "magick"!

all i shall say now is that, this group of people in my life is the best that have happened to me so far. it is, by far, the greatest gift i have gotten in this blasted school. i have no idea how im gonna do things without you guys. you guys means SO MUCH to me, you have no idea. i dont like expressing myself with words, i usually express them through action so this is gonna be difficult.

like, without you guys, i'd never make it past the first year! i wouldnt have something to go to school for, to look forward to! and the times we had together, it was just...golden! with yall, i just feel so safe, comfortable, normal, happy, and every good feeling there is out there. for some of you ive known you for like 4 years already, some even longer, some only this year. but none of that matters because i've grown to love you guys so much, it hurts when i think we cant spend time together!

i'm mad because i know i will be missing out. i hate missing out. even on normal trainings. i realy hate that, and now im gonna miss out so much. im jealous i can admit...! only because i want to spend every minute every second with you guys when we're all together. there is so much feelings going on here and its so hard to say them out!!! aghhhh ):

i am gonna miss you guys so much i swear each person would get at least a week of crying or something. like everytime i needed help i would go to yall, everytime i wanted to have fun, to work out, to just chill, you guys are just the best people to hang out with. we've been through so much i really dont want all of this to end!!!! in the end everybody is bound to drift apart! and i secretly hope that me not being there wont be the same. yet i hope i it will be the same so people wont feel sad!

i can picture myself 1 week from now and im really not ready for that. oh i tell you im gonna break down so bad ): and then i wont have anyone to tell. this love thing is really horrible when you cant have it anymore. i dont know what to do. i feel so lost! okay i shall save all the other feelings and words for when it happens! because there'll be so much more

and i just wanna say, i love you guys so much. with you guys its just right, everything is right.
i feel so depressed already,im controlling my tears and i wanna break down and hug someone and just cry on their shoulder for hours and for someone to tell me its okay.

but its not gonna be okay, not without you guys. no way, not for a very very long time.

2011-12-24T21:45:00.002+08:00

hey guys!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE :D hahaha having a huge party at the house right now! watching glee in the room when stupid ashley is playing cartrider with the kids, andjolyn is eating hello panda! ohwells, cant wait for christmas :D

2011-12-19T11:25:00.002+08:00

hey guys!

so, 6 days to christmas! i have a feeling that lots of people in the level isnt really looking forward to it as much as they did in the past few years! well, i must say, take one step at a time! look forward to christmas first (: then worry about the rest after christmas (:

oh sighs :\ well..i havent got any christmas presents for anyone yet :\ maybe cause i didnt go overseas this year thats why its more difficult to get stuff! because i dont know what everyone wants ): agh!!!! maybe i should go christmas shopping later, i doubt i'll find anything though!!!!

okay i still have a whole load of things to do :\ agh nono i need to get my life back on track! ive been like nuahing all over the place because idk..oh man sian! and no glee this or next or next next next omg kill me =.= SIAN!!!!!

btw dianna's twitter got hacked yesterday ): stupid idiot it was really really stupit and selfish and i hope he/she gets caught

2011-12-15T11:49:00.003+08:00

hi guys!!

just slept for like 9h+! it was great! considering that i had a lack of sleep since tuesday! well yesterday was really busy!oh i had a really long dream too! one part included jolyn taking overdose of medicine and fainting, then dianna came to my house and then i chatted and got her signature ): omg i was so freaking happy okay i didnt wanna wake up ): i was like 70% sure it was true then i woke up ): SHIT LAH

anyway training in the morning! it was actually fine i guess! (: then we chatted and stuff, then went back to bathe, met up at 1.30 then went to grab a bite with amanda and nat! After that met ht and tricia and went to take pictures with the A&F models tgt :D hehehe not gonna share excitement but lets just say they were really hot :D

okay then went around shopping abit! i bought a shirt from h&m :O HAHA! was gonna buy a sweater too but decided that i should wait and get A&F sweaters :D cause theyre really nice, not cause of anything else =.= lol. then walked around abit more, i swear my foot was so damn tired ok!i can stand running or playing tennis for 3h but i cant stand shopping for 3h! no idea why! =.=

Then rushed back! went home to change cause i had dinner with moompe's boss! oh my gosh i had to wear like skirt and a tank and shirt because the shirt was translucent and necklace and bracelet well it wasnt my first time but then i wore flats and that was the first time! okay actually it was okay (: abit uncomf but i guess if it makes you more presentable then why not! oh no is this a mun-starting-to-get-girly sign? HAHAHAA fyi i do get interested in clothes yknow :O just that i dont say and i pretend im not because most probably im too fat and look horrible in it! ): and i like the way quinn/dianna dresses! (oops keep fangirling here ): )

Glad it paid off i guess? boss has a good impression :D hahaha she and her friend was quite funny too! oh hes cubian (sp?) really cool! graduated from yale when he was 19-turning-20! oh my gosh. madness.hmm okay then i got home and i watched the christmas glee episode...

and i must say its not a really good episode! althought matt morrison directed it i dont think its his fautl i think its the writers fault because it was abit poorly written! not much plot, although we did get the message on the spirit of christmas but then..too much finchel and klaine and so on :\ couldve been better! read the comments on glee wiki and glad people are saying dianna and chord's scene made the episode although it was really short! yeah i agree they have lotsa chemistry on set, unintended sometimes :D

i think mediafire isnt working :\

have a load of songs i wanna download but mediafire cant work! ah frustrating!
anyway tricia bought us a 'i love SF" shirt :D hahaha reminds me of the trip to SF last year! and when i was scrolling through the pictures last night(morning) i really really felt so sad! just wanted to hug you guys and not let go ): i miss you guys so much it was such a great time and i wished that i enjoyed it more! - because i felt sian and abit homesick for awhile there!

aish okok this is getting really long, so i guess im gonna post more pictures :D everybody likes a post with pictures isnt it...although its only me reading my blog! LOL

OH MY THE WAY! check out dianna's new website: www.youmeandcharlie.com ! its seriously nice! shes so inspirational! it has like pictures and quotes and stuff there, both funny and inspirational and informative all kinds! go read a few of it, it helps you realise alot of stuff, look at things the big picture! (:

i should get more mark pictures :D

2011-12-12T23:58:00.003+08:00

had an awesome smiggles outing today (: miss you guys already!

has anyone has this feeling where you dont know what makes you feel accomplished? like for example you do homework and then after that watch a tv episode, you feel great, you come home from school, spend an hour or two on fb, you feel awesome, you go play your musical instrument after 2h of tuition, you feel fantastic!

and now, i just dont know =.= i watch tv i play computer i play drums listen to music....NOTHING! nothing gives me a sense of accomplishment! i have no idea why! not even training? i just feel sian and stuff! and up till today i thought i was the only one! apparently not (:

but this aint good man! the only happy thing i've been experiencing besides being with the people i love is the faily cuppa warm/cold milk/milktea that we share :D hahaha its awesome, plus turning on some of glee's christmas songs...! it feels more like christmas (: i love christmas

cant wait for christmas but....christmas means end of the year...which means...next year is coming. well everybody would dread that but i guess we should just take it one step at a time (:

ahh life is getting harder to live.

2011-12-11T23:20:00.003+08:00

Man In The Mirror - Glee

this is good. listen!
puck is sexy
new directions rocked it!

2011-12-11T11:59:00.003+08:00

hey guys,

woke up in the middle of the night, feeling so damn scared. scared of next year. haiz. this is starting to get really scary! its only 3 weeks to be exact! :\ haish haish haish :\ sian sian i wanna drink milk but im full! SHOULD I!!! hahah ok idc anyway im on this glee & dianna craze so excuse me i'll just keep posting pictures of them :D ALOT of dianna cause its all from her fansite =.= pardon me :D nobody to like share excitement with yknow, like =.= sian LOL

2011-12-09T15:15:00.001+08:00

oh yeah just posting some nice glee songs here!

I Can't Go For That/You Make My Dreams Com True - Glee
original by Hall & Oats

2011-12-09T15:01:00.003+08:00

hi ghosts!

so i havent posted here for damn long! haha hmm, was on a roller coaster ride if you know what i mean. well now, pretty much end of the ride, another one coming up soon!

things have been pretty much erratic here! many many things to settle!!! so ive been watching lotsa shows to keep me busy as well! like friends? yeah friends is awesome!! oh and my favourite show, GLEEEE!!!! :D last night's episode "hold on to sixteen" ohmy it was the best ep in the season so far! and the songs are so awesome!!!! lotsa dianna too, makes me happy! cause well..new idol/icon yknow! great actress, great voice, great dancing, keeps her head although shes famous. Love celebrities like this! Perfect as someone to look up to (: i noticed i hardly have any female idols but i have loads of male celebrity crushes! :D ohmy lets say mark chace logan etc etc etc *_*

okay enough of that. hmm well jesses been fine, still as silly as ever! still going to trainings and stuff! its been really hot in the morning then heavy rain in the afternoon! keeps going on like this! weird though! oh ive been playing counter strike too :D hehehehe. plus having tuition, hmm okay nothing much i CAN talk about now cause everything i need to let out is what i cant talk about so.. there you have it.

seeya guys next time! oh, lets post some glee pictures :D

2011-11-07T00:44:00.001+08:00

i feel miserable )': this is not gonna get any easier

...

2011-11-07T00:14:00.002+08:00

hey everybody!

im lost.

i have absolutely no idea what to do now. what do you call it? im in a dilemma. thats not something new but....its different every single time, no exception on this one! and im pretty scared right now. I dont even dare to seek comfort in anything, knowing that i may not be able too next time.

these few days have been pretty depressing. all i do is just lie on the floor and stare into space, with jesse walking around me of course. but, i dont know what to do. worst part is i dont think anyone can help me on this. and ive been so depressed i cant stop thinking even when im on the roller coaster. its just...im not ready to step out of the dilemma yet. its nearly always like that though.

im just so sian. daydreaming and visualizing stuff everyday. i dont feel like talking nearly most of the time. and its just screaming all over inside. im constantly really tired and i wanna do something that makes me stop thinking about this for the moment but there is nothing that can help me do that! and in fact, i shouldnt! i need to settle this pretty fast.

but meanwhile i just dont know what to feel, the pot of feelings inside is like slightly acid and churning inside. i need help ): i refuse to read things lately, for some reason. i want this to be over ): quickly ): my thoughts are so disorganized and is really short with alot of stops! i dont even know where to start thinking from, im just looking it as a whole, seeing glimpses of parts of it. i dont want to let go! eventually all have to!

just, someone just guide me ): what a fatal flaw. i wanna express myself here but i dont know how/what to express. this sucks so badly i dont know who i should listen to. myself? my thoughts are all jumbled up inside its such a great mess in there i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do someone please help )': please )': the worst thing is i know i must do this by myself ): everytime i close my eyes the first word i think of is "help!"

its a terrible feeling.

2011-10-31T16:39:00.003+08:00

ima wreck ):

said this once and im gonna say this again! im a WRECK!

right now everything is so uncertain! and its bad because idk what to expect but good because the buffer period means i can just slack off! and well the buffer period is gonna end soon! ah super sian...i feel really bad for -. actually i dont even know if i want the outcome to be good! o.o i'd probably regret halfway if i change but maybe a change would be better? ah emo kid i hate this -.-

anyway, in school now so super sian...PW till 4 everyday? uh what for its useless and a waste of time! and theyre gonna abolish it next year somemore! wts. born one year too early! ah idk lah..... just playing maple and doing whatever i want shirking all responsibilites just to feel numb! and i feel unsociable too :\

oh gosh im totally not suited for this country.

2011-10-30T12:09:00.001+08:00

hohoho! is it halloween today?

anyway happy birthday bryan! (:

and i slept for only like 3h or something i spent the whole night playing sims medieval and reading the heroes of olympus! hahaha ohgosh

chinese A levels tmr right? i dont even know how its gonna go!

ohwell o.o

jamming sessions later

oh the fine dining restaurant yesterday was.... a little hard to appreciate because it was seafood D<

but one of the desserts were really good!

ah i dont wanna go to school sian

2011-10-26T21:29:00.001+08:00

Mark posted this video sometime ago! its the glee cast fooling around on set haha (: watch if you feel like watching! (:

sian PW can i just dont take, dont feel like going school tmr ):

2011-10-26T09:22:00.006+08:00

sorry you may notice every picture have dianna in it! because i took it from her fansite and havent gone to the others fansite =.= ps!

shall i post some pictures of glee stars and my new idol? :D oh yes i should :D

2011-10-25T23:03:00.003+08:00

oh hi.

long time no see yeah. lots have been happening and i have been too lazy to be blogging. the only reason why im blogging now is because i have a friggin stomach ache and its 11 only so im lying on my bed using my laptop for fun.

IT THERE SUCH THING AS KAYA ALLERGY?????????

because idk if its coincidence but everytime i eat kaya i get stomach ache o.o i think im gonna try it again tmr! best if eat at night ahaha next day no need go sch :D

hmm and im not over it

and i didnt make the mark for promotion, but deep inside i kinda think they wont retain though :\ cause im not very far off the line!

PW sucks so bad if only i was born one year eariler then i wouldnt have to do it SHIT

performance of SPACE coming soon (: excited for it

im additcted to glee

i have a new idol which i am crazy stalking which is Dianna Agron from glee who plays quinn (: i love nice celebrities!

i think chord overstreet is really charming :D

mark salling is totally sexy and hot
and chris colfer is like some sexy beast idc if hes gay hes really cute (:

kevin mchale is cool!

heather and naya quite hot sometimes! (:

see im crazy about glee! and im addicted to glee taptap too! sometimes you wish that the season wouldnt end, like you'll have alot to watch! and season 3 is progressing way too slow, and i dont like how they're kinda making quinn's storyline messy! could go on and on but not really in the mood =.=

Chinese As soon ah sian

2011-09-22T17:53:00.002+08:00

EVERY SINGLE F-ING 5 MINUTES I THINK ABOUT GETTING RETAINED.
AT THIS POINT OF TIME IM SO CERTAIN I'LL RETAIN ALREADY.
GRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZ

its so tiring ): i wanna work harder but just cant seem to do it? o.o need something to push me? maybe its the fact that i feel so far behind already, plus the retaining mindset plus the lack of confidence and strive, energy, discipline...whatever that can go wrong.

ohplease i just want to pass now ):

banking on geog and math but...i got U for those two too.....even if i can pass geog, math is hard to say cause im so f-king careless! FML

FMLFMLFMLFML go through this every year! SICK AND TIRED OF THIS! JUST WANNA GET THROUGH THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!

2011-09-18T12:21:00.003+08:00

hey yo!

yeah my 3 fav characters from glee/new idols? :D
chris colfer, who plays kurt! super sexy omgz :D
chord overstreet, who plays sam! HAH IDEAL LOOK :D:D:D! he looks chace plus bieber! cute max!
then dianna agron, who plays quinn! idc if her character is mean!SHES REMINDS ME OF TAYLOR and shes so pretty! :D hahaha
and they all look so good and have nice voices! :D
YEAHhehehe cant wait to watch after promos but must pass first ): super stress and worried and my distraction level is getting very high! the closer it is the promos the more i feel like i need a break ): ahhhh press on!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-09-13T15:35:00.002+08:00

first thing, i never knew that my wooden floor was so polished that i could see the reflection of stuff.

second thing, the restaurant i went to just had to get chopsticks that looked like mini lightsabers!

third thing, walking jesse and told her to stay while we walked around and she was such a good girl :D

okay so hows everybody?
(im guessing the everybody would maximum refer to 3 people =.=)

guess everything sucks now right! everybody is worried for promos, trying their best to study and finish by then although the rate at which we are going is SO.FREAKING.SLOW. im really stressed too ): honestly i think about getting retained every.single.day. and im not even exaggerating! its like im so scared but sometimes i just can't study so much! I DONT KNOW WHY! i just cant sit still without doing something i dont mind/like!

its not like i dont like studying! in fact i think im starting to like my subjects a teeny bit more! then i'll go on wishing i had more time to study for them. then again with more time i'd procrastinate more! so NO USE. gah, i wanna do well but no confidence ): i keep having this really bad mindset that since im gonna fail why work hard! ITS STUPID BUT I CAN'T GET RID OF IT! =.= GRRRRRRR

anyway feelings aside,

today MORNING 4am was US Open tennis finals djo against nadal! my two favourite tennis players ^^ haha djo is the first of course. wanted to not sleep and do work through the night then watch finals and go sch and come home and crash. BUT! i was doing EOM then finished, then got distracted and then didnt do work. then ended up having to make myself jump around so that i wont sleep =.= then i jumped and watched tv =.= took a bath, watched tv and didnt do any work oh.mai.gawsh. then i finally couldnt take it and just slept at 4am =.= when the match started =.= right.... woke up at 6.30, djo was leading by 2 sets yay :D

haha best thing that happened from last night till today morning was that some teammies stayed up to watch too! haha nothing better than to have the closest people to you to share the same experience/know how you feel/feel the same way! LOL and math and geog lecture was TERRIBLE. math i couldnt even open my eyes, and i didnt bring my glasses, and so my eyes kept closing by itself! =.= kept pretending to rub and stuff so that i can close my eyes for awhile! UGH TERRIBLE! then geog WORST. i practically slept every few seconds/minutes =.= like for the first time! =.= (lol for the first time) even JR and B and was amused by the fact that i was likedozing off cause i never do!

surprisingly econs and GP was better! o.o i didnt even feel like sleeping in fact! now im kinda awake but really tired! guess gonna do work then early night?

idk! o.o

2011-09-10T22:57:00.003+08:00

yooo!!

morning woke up, went to school to study with glenday, went for drums, went to sicc to play tennis, went back to school, went home, went to school again for MAF!

haha it was fun (: at first nothing one lah, just hanging out and stuff! there were loads of alumni and even those who have kids.then council started singing and dancing and cheering!even the older ones!i went with team so its super fun (: we sang and danced and laughed and ate tgt! (:

felt so good! a good break from the studying!!!
promos is sucha wet blanket! ._.

p.s. i still feel like partying LOL

DJO AND FEDERER TONIGHTNIGHTNIGHTNIGHT!!!! 12AM USOPEN SEMIFINALS GOGOGOGO! :D

2011-09-10T09:22:00.003+08:00

sometimes i feel that nobody bothers to put themselves in my shoes! although i do that for them...haiz..

"the nicest people get the rottenest luck"
ironic but true!

2011-09-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

need a break..haiz...
dont feel like im gonna make it

2011-09-05T23:32:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSE :D HEHEHEHEHEHE

thursday was awesome!
friday was pleasant
saturday was nice
sunday was great

2011-09-01T22:24:00.001+08:00

gt and i started our diet plan today lololololol

but psst! someone failed her diet alr! TSKTSK (:

2011-09-01T21:07:00.008+08:00

we must

get our

right

and know our

2011-08-30T16:42:00.002+08:00

heyo!

just came back from paintball with my family! ohmy (: its always fun haha! and everytime i try to get more daring to try to get the objective!! got shot on my head,back,fingers x2,arm and leg hahaha! the head one was the most painful omgz! its totally a freaking ball now! HAH =.= and my fingers are bleeding abit but HAD A BLAST :D

so fun playing with aunties and stuff! hahaha! plus army cousins? woah a challenge (: managed to get the objective for one of the game! shot some people and stuff! my aunty got shot at her...on top lololol! great time with family (:

later going buffet ): wtp i damn fat already! gt and i starting our diet on thursday lolol! see how long we can last!!! (: and i really need to start studying? all ive been doing is just more homework! =.= ah sian!!

anyway, kinda miss performing! although we always screw up somehow or another, the experience is always fun (: hahaha! aish okay gonna go try to do some geog! tartar!

2011-08-29T14:53:00.001+08:00

ohman, most embarrassing gig of my life.
need plastic surgery before going back to school

but lousy PA though.

2011-08-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

haha great day today (:

school ended at 1! then went home, band prac! then went out with glendd, glenda and shannon! hahaha! went to xinwang to eat! lotsa stuff happened in between like shannon and glenda posting that im in love on my fb status =.= LOL

but anyway at dinner table today with 3 of them it felt like we were family! like they were cousins and we all trust each other and everything! nice feeling (: the feeling that you can open up to just any of them and that they'll understand how you feel! and care about too! haa nice (: plus the fact that theres so many and too many things to tell each other/discuss!

God please dont take this away too! im too scared to feel happy about having something anymore

2011-08-22T23:11:00.003+08:00

Advice - Christina Grimmie

Don't look down.
Because it's easier falling from force.
Just letting it take natures course,
and picking it up when it's over.

Don't be afraid.
'Cause the chances are there for the take.
But treasure the choices you make,
and know when you must take it slower.

You may think you've had it rough,
and try to give it up.
But when you think your stuck,
Just go another way!

Don't let go of good times,
and let the bad ones know you feel fine.
And wear your heart out on your sleeve,
'Cause love is all, love is all you need.

Don't be rushed.
'Cause hurrying causes mistakes,
and make sure to give more than take,
and sharing yourself bring you closer

You may think you've had it rough,
and try to give it up.
But when you think, your stuck.
Just go another way!

Chorus

Ooh Ooh
Ooh ooh.

Ohh,
Ohh oh.

Take a chance now,
'Cause it's easy.
Take a chance now for you and me.

Take a chance now,
You can reach it!
Take a chance for me!

Chorus

Oh! It's all you need!
Love is all,
Love is all,
Love is all you need...
_________________

oh be sure to check out Karmin and Meekakitty on youtube! haha theyre awesome! Karmin is a acoustic band and meekakitty is a blogger!

2011-08-22T22:47:00.002+08:00

yo people. doing math vectors now cause theres a class test on wed! and yep if youre wondering im totally hecking econs..i think!.. ): too depressed!

anyway event of the day: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTINA! (: (L) lotsa love yeah teammie! hope you had a good one although you'll never ever read this! aha (: sorry was stuck doing zuowen couldnt celebrate with you!

okay well back to being sian! i think the stupid medicine is giving me the drowsy effect ): omgz im so sleepy now well its not early either but i havent done a single question! i have been going through from vector A-D so i guess that took some time! and by the way jesse couldnt get spayed cause her lungs are still not well :| 20% scared that is ah sigh. nvm its okay she doesnt have to right (:

hmm, less than a week to concert ): aish! everything is so stressful now i want to start studying but just cant really! and i dont like it when friends remind me to study somehow! well depends on the way you put it across to me! if youre like scolding or lecturing me trying to make me scared i'll get pissed with you! =.= just me, im super angsty. nowadays at least.

hmmm, was thinking now all of us kinda come to a point in our lives where we all start maturing? in different ways for diff people i guess, depends on whats happening in your life! for me, ive start to open up to family more? spend more time with them, realize not communicating to family is not the "in" kinda thing now! most of us should have gotten over the stage? i have no idea :|

ah but that aside, i still cant tell you how much i hate school! hate being in that place! oh gosh, we should all just get homeschooled! i'd rather sit at home and not talk to anyone! its just HORRIBLE!!!! so horrible ohmygosh. and now promos are nearing and my subjects are killing me! im technically only interested in math and geog! =.= the rest im like fcare lol. I HATE JC LIFE!!!!!!!

CAUTION : HOMEWORK OVERLOADING
-blink blink-

aiyah wtp i just wanna stay home ): you cant call this as childish want i guess! although its sorta running away from reality! but, when all else fails, when youre not feeling comfortable, when everything is putting so much pressure on you, all you want to do is go back to your hermit hole and rest there for awhile, let everything pass by while you rest, then get back out and complete it!

2011-08-20T21:19:00.003+08:00

hey!

flu got worst ): today is a horrible day for the first half! still sick but woke this morning at 7+, went to school at around 8 and teacher not there =.= he said i can go earlier next week cause i need to leave early for drums! but he came at 8.30! then i did and it was so frustrating! esp cause its integration? Then did until like 12.30????? mum fetched me and we attempted to chiong to ps but too late. mum urged me to go in for the last 10 min so.. =.= ohwells

then i was in a horrible mood i dont feel like spending time to include details on how horrible math was so anyway i was super sian and hungry and flu-ey and needed to eat cause i basically havent ate since 7 and it was like 1+ lol 6h+ =.= then finally ate, went home! feeling sick and all. then everything kinda got better than my bro (aka book/gert) offered to bring me to drum testing :D 8D hahaha well yall should know that my bro and i hardly talk! haha but we're not on bad terms or something, its just we hardly talk to each other!

so like.... gorgor bring meimei to go see the things she wants to buy=sooo heartwarming kinda thing! haha although he also wants the drums for his band =.= but really, you'd be like "awwwww thats so sweet", plus we hardly even talk! then mum was so pleased too she offered to fetch us and accompany us there, totally forgetting that she doesnt want another drumset in the house! LOL. didnt tell her that though

and she fetched us all the way to kallang :O haha the swee lee there! the electronic drum that was affordable (not the 18k one that was totally boomz) wasnt much more than mine so wasnt much. looked around the real drumset and stuff! music shops takes my mind to some magical drifting mode lol =.= maybe cause music very easily changes your mood i guess?

then went to ahma house, ate, taught chinese to nicole although i really really suck as a teacher cause i forgot half the terms =.= (shes p5 btw) then came home and bro is jamming! and im feeling miserable here with my flu! cant do work cause its just so hard to concentrate when your eyes are hot and teary and your nose is stuck!...and its too early to sleep! so...posting...lol

suddenly got alot of ppl tag o.o ohno does that mean that there are more than 1 person(me) who reads my blog? oh shat.

okay bye

2011-08-19T14:59:00.002+08:00

20) Name 5 presents you wish to receive on your birthday.

HARRY POTTER STUFF :D
drums? :D
dog stuff for jesse
taylor swift merchandise??
a nice house...? ._.

lol these stuff are mostly impossible to get... thats why theyre here :D hahaha

2011-08-19T14:45:00.003+08:00

yo everybody,

im home at 2.45 and its friday! which means...I PONNED SCHOOL. okay im joking. no, im not feeling well! ): had a headache and head felt heavy with flu and a slight cough so i decided i couldnt take the usual 7h lessons straight on friday! so here i am at home with jesse!

woke up today and went to attend geog and math lecture haha because i am a guai kid okay! (:

anyway, things still have been horrible recently! okay, maybe yesterday wasnt so bad because i came home from school early and slept till 5+! the less time i spend in school (with the execption of friday), the better the day seems! sometimes i wonder if other people are starting to judge me in school cause my face is always either :( or :| or :[ , either! ah wtv, idc.

did i mention i fell down the stairs? yeap! on wednesday glenda and i were jamming at my house and i still had my socks on! then i was carrying jesse down the stairs with socks on so naturally i slipped and then i landed on the lower left part of my back and jesse landed on me! and the best part is she happily walked away while im like "@$@*_())$ OWWW!" lol! so now i cant even lie down on that part and that side of my head hurts so its horrible ): and technically it hurts when i walk lol! this sucks =.=

other than that ive been practicing hard for our next performance! ohno ):
did i mention how painful my knee is? ): ohmy i cant even cycle uphill or go up and down steps or even stand up from the chair without it hurting ):

and school feels more miserable than anywhere ): every other minute you get reminded of something you dont want to! or....get pissed of by a particular classmate... =.=

home is the best.

2011-08-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

19) Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday

oh, had a blast! team tried to surprise me and they failed of course! but we still had so much fun (:
next? idk, i really dont. every year its different. some years its quiet, some years its partyish! so if nobody is gonna spring any traps on me then im just gonna spend the day lazing around the house with jesse (: which is sorta a reward too!

2011-08-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

18) Post one confession/secret

hmm er idk, nah not gonna post a secret theyre secrets for a reason

maybe i'd confess i feel like lying on the bed and sleeping forever?
thats not really a confess but idc

2011-08-15T00:27:00.001+08:00

tbh,

all i feel like doing now is torturing myself :\ not THAT way anymore but, like, not sleeping tonight or something.haiz...........

2011-08-14T23:56:00.002+08:00

hey people.

life still bad. surprise surprise~! only good thing that happened this week is with family i guess! okay lets start with friday.

Friday
school was okay! one of the better day in my week! after school went to gym with teammies, suppose to run 3km then i felt like running more so i ran 5km but it was kinda just a jog so, no sweat! then went to the weights room and we ran into the stanford math teacher doing workout (: heee! tricia was..hmm! then teammies went for dinner. and tbh, i hope non of you are reading this but if you actually are, i did feel abit uncomfortable! it feels the same i guess! the people did not change but the feeling did. which is very, very sad. and i hate to see politics. hate it. to the core. i cant deal with it at this stage. not now at least. anyway
went to play basketball with glenda haiyun grace 2 basketballers and shannon! hhaha it was so freaking fun and tiring! esp after a 5km run! but it was fun although i was so noob just running all over the place wasting energy! lol! sorry for my noobness! and got a freaking huge blister from that! like bigger than a 50cent! and its still here now that ive popped it! cant even walk properly! after that went to have a drink/dinner with shannon (: haha good ol times! feeling may be abit mismatched but still feels good (:

sat
morning math tuition! really tiring but its good i guess! then went to buy the cajon at bras basah! haha im so noob that it sounds like construction works when i played it! failed studying math after that with the box to distract me. its seriously....not cheap lol. then went to ahma house for dinner (: another mini bbq! ah, we were talking about baking and cooking and whipping something together next week for dinner or something (: feels so freaking good talking to them about these stuffs because it IS home! its just another compartment of my life where i wont feel so much pain! and its nice (: family is good! next time we wont have the chance to do all these so we better cherish them now!

sunday
today was horrible. woke up so late, ate like a pig. just kept eating and eating for like 2-3h and i was so freaking stuffed! so fat now omg. tried to do math but cant concentrate. so i read TIOBE. for the first time in fact. tmr gonna die for math and lit lecture test. and ugh! maybe gonna pon chinese or something. but today was the worst day, so unproductive and it just had to be the day before math and lit lecture test. its so freaking sian!

so im just gonna die tmr. oh, forgot to mention i brought jesse to the vet on sat to inspect cause my mum wants to spay her! :O ouch! haiz. i want to get my life back on track for ONCE for ONCE! control!!! "I NEED ORDER!!!" i have to have self control! i really need that but where to find that? something to motivate me? WHAT? pleasing my parents perhaps? my family? ok that seems to be the only reason why im studying anyway. keep watching meekakitty on youtube! shes (y) entertaining i guess. maybe i should start making vlogs? but probably not post them here because its very very embarrassing!

okay its 12.11am on monday and i technically havent done more than 5 questions for math today. see how screwed i am? HELLO MUN COME ON MOTIVATE YOURSELF!!!! only you can help yourself! you just need to start doing it!!!!!! this makes me feel like im supposed to be a robot for like the next 2 months. oh why not? since we're all supposed to be robots for the next year.

did i mention i think i have to sing for the next gig? oh my why am i posting this? just felt like sharing it with my blog. and i hope nobody sees this! YOU DID NOT SEE THIS. because nobody should ever hear me sing unless you want to become deaf! yeah, why am i singing? NO WAAAYYYYY its too embarrassing! NOOOOOOO!

COME ON MUN COME ON!!!!! if you want to do well YOU HAVE TO START DOING SOMETHING! i guess im just afraid that i'll not be able to sustain it. or perhaps im just too lazy to do anything now more than ever because I WONT GET WHAT I WORK FOR ANYWAY. why work? to show people that i did something although i failed. maybe? perhaps? probably. while everyone out there in school seems to be having a breeze getting through their studies. and im just not.working.for.it. whuuuutttttttt..... life's like this.

some people are smarter and some are not. some people's lives are generally better and some are not. some people just have good luck and some dont. come on mun pull through this year!

....and after all this prep talk to myself, im still not hyped up at all....

can everyone see im trying??
i try but i never succeed.
there's that, thats my life story. (for now)
can i at least get something that i worked for, for once? at least...? i just need that motivation!!
bleagh.

2011-08-10T15:04:00.003+08:00

hmm, days just keeps going by!

recently i think ive become more and more introverted! like i dont even feel like being around friends? unless im comfortable and that person is comfortable with silence. Other than that i just dont want to be with anybody! except my family! funny how when everything fails we go running back to our family, guess thats where the comfort comes?

hmm :\ im still so devastated ): ive said this a million times but nobody would understand :\ except some! and by some i mean like 1 or 2! smiling now becomes compulsory not voluntarily. yall must be thinking: wts just let it go man, life still goes on, there are still other chances, dont let this affect you too much, dont think about it, you can still contribute. hey guys?!?!? here's the catch: i dont even feel like contributing now!!! i know i will want to but i dont feel like it! get it? plus, you have no idea how hard it is to put your all in something for 3 years straight without fail, and NOT get it. any idea? NO, of course not, how many of you have lives like this? and you must be thinking: there are people that are worst off than you. but now im comparing to people my age, my year, my environment! and comparing to that, my life sucks. the same way you compare your results to people who are better, not worst off.

life feels pretty much like in a trance now! like, time just goes by and im just doing whatever im doing. worried for promos like shit but i cant start! being alone feels normal now and its actually kinda weird to be around people. anyway, i kinda like it that way! maybe with friends around more things can happen? and those things can be happy or sad, and its mostly sad now so i'd rather stay at home, nothing much can happen, i can do what i like, spend time with jesse.

gah and i dont even feel like talking to people now ): maybe its fine online, but when i have to act more cheerful its just horrible! and right now im even wishing that nobody would read this! i just wanna be with my family ): spend time yknow ): agh ): sometimes i would try to tell people how i feel but then i'd stop halfway because theyre pretending to actually understand when they dont really understand fully! then they'll give me those kind of advice mentioned above and i'll walk away feeling 10 times worst! UGH DONT YOU GET IT?!??!!!? time will take away the pain but the scar will be there forever! seeing my source of strength and happiness in school turn into something that'll make me feel horrible. it bittersweet but more bitter than sweet now.this sucks! what did i do in life to get this man? my life just sucks as compared to everybody else!

and i dont even wanna think what comps will be like next year.
i just wanna take my mind off life by doing other stuff!

why so emo munz?
ya think?

2011-08-06T20:55:00.003+08:00

17) Bullet your day

-woke up at 8
-went to math remedial
-rushed off to drums (late for 0.5h)
-snacked
-went ice skating with class
-ate yoguru with class
-went to dhoby with class
-took bus back to bukit timah
-walked to ahma house for dinner
-came home and played com

2011-08-06T20:50:00.002+08:00

16) Name 2 significant people of your life and explain why

ahs, its 2 groups!

-family
always there to back me, somewhere i can feel comfortable and in safe hand, protected and with security
-friends
people who understands me the most, i enjoy being with, cant do without. the people who i have the best time with (:

2011-08-06T02:09:00.002+08:00

Ah,why is my life so horrible now? Seriously nothing has been going well! Even my few hours of happiness had to be destroyed by something! Really having a bad time.since July.curse 2011!

Btw today's performance was so screwed.probably screwed our image of us.need to redeem ourselves! Wtp this sucks )':

Life why can't you be better towards me )':

2011-08-03T22:47:00.000+08:00

15) Write about something you worry about a lot

my results! tennis performance?

2011-08-03T22:41:00.002+08:00

14) Post your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.

fav book: percy jackson/harry potter series :D
fav movie: harry potter (: star wars, lord of the rings, the hangover, and many more! white chicks (: hahaha
fav band: boyslikegirls, AAR ahaha around there! faber drive
fav food: oh alot man! but its all rubbish (: i love sausages, chicken nuggets, all the ang mo food, donuts, ba zhang lol,noodles, chips, gummies and chocolate (reeses :D) i love to drink sweet drinks, ALOT of things lol! fruits (:

2011-08-03T22:40:00.001+08:00

13) What are your plans for the future? Far and near

haha plans? to practice like shit for gig! and start studying for promos i guess!

far..... i wanna be a nutritionist! go to US/UK/Australia wtv to study (:

2011-08-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

12) Write about the worst day of your life

haha many worst days too, i cant recall! but some of them are quite recent though!

2011-08-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

11) Write about the best day of your life.

there isnt a best best day! many awesome days, no particular best day. cause i have yet to fufil a goal that i really want!

2011-08-02T21:41:00.000+08:00

10) What’s the meanest thing anyone has ever said to you?

oh mymy, there are many too! i dont wish to talk about them! or my self confidence will be like negative and i'll go commit suicide or something =.=

2011-08-02T21:39:00.001+08:00

9) What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?

idk! there are so many nice things that people said to me and i really really appreciate that! i may not express it because im shy hahah! but really, thank you to all that did! really love you guys! (: those moments will be those where i have a spark of self confidence, which is really rare (: thanks!

2011-08-02T21:38:00.002+08:00

8) How do you feel today?

Like shit! been feeling shit recently! become moody eye mun! totally need an escape! everything is so stressful! just wanna lie on my bed and sleep/watch a movie and forget everything for a moment!

2011-08-02T21:35:00.000+08:00

2011-08-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

6) When was the last time you cried?

few nights ago.

2011-08-01T23:28:00.002+08:00

5) Write about a period of time in your life where things were not so good

sec 1-3, need not explain to those who know me well.
JC1, from july till now. well starting off with blocks it sucked cause i came home 5 days before exams. and then now this thing happen...second time it happen. it really, theres really no way you can understand how bad this feels because you have no idea how much effort and pain i went through trying to do this right. so it seems totally unreasonable and childish that im still so affected by it but really, its really ALOT of effort, i have never committed myself to or put in so much effort and dedication for something before.
and all i get in return is just two times the disappointment. aish. yep i cant move on yet cause i just chionged for 3 years and didnt even get to my destination now im stuck somewhere else with no motivation. everything seems really down and irritates me alot, i have no mood to do homework nor study for tests nor go exercise. I just feel like lying down and sleeping forever.

2011-08-01T23:15:00.001+08:00

4) Write about a period of time in your life where things seemed to be constantly going good.

from the end of last year to the mid of this year i guess! and other than that its probably like p1-5 or something. sec school and JC is horrible.

2011-08-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

3) If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you want to do?

haha spend time with my loved ones, play some tennis, perform, and if theres time i can fly overseas to meet my idols hehe (: go sky diving or something

2011-08-01T22:56:00.002+08:00

2) Write about the best friends you’ve had over the years

Well haha i'm not sure which one was my first? So lets just say my first good friend!
P1: Same class as Joline (: haha yep one of the twins! used to stay back in class during recess to sweep the classroom and get A for our cleanliness (: haha miss those times! guess whos antisocial from young haha (: being seen in public alone is just scary to me!

p3&4: made my first best friend (: hehe Weiyan (: hang out with other people like Nerp and Si Li too! quite cool yeah (: did lotsa things together, had many first times! including a first sleepover and such! First time i stayed so late in a friends house, went swimming with, ate spaghetti and fish and chips, went bowling together, ate gummies and played PS2 in the attic, piggybacked up the staircase after 1.6km run, flew 5 metres after tripping on. haha lots of other stuff its really alot! and up to now we're still in contact and i really cherish that(: havent met up for so long so hope can meet up soon!

p5&6: pretty much hung out with a group of people. mainly amelia, jingen, tingting, jolyn, joey and more (: wasnt particularly close to anyone! did go joey's house a few times though (:

sec1&2&3: i do not wish to talk about that. but there was my tablemates grace and abby (: had such a great time together! and then theres ashley loh whom i did the stupidest things with! and amanda my teammie

Sec4: got to know tingwei i guess? other than that my new classmates haha formed a new awesome band (: had gay times with 410 (:

JC1: nobody in particular? im closest to my team i guess, really love you guys so much! and then theres other people like the gg's and grace and all (:

2011-08-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

1) Post 15 facts about yourself.

1. I like HarryPotter, StarWars,LOTR
2. I love playing most sports
3. I play drums!
4. I try to eat healthy and save money
5. I like to sing background vocals when listening to songs
6. When i go crazy about something its really crazy
7. I like TaylorSwift, EmmaWatson, Djokovic, LoganLerman..and the list goes on
8. I like to bake
9. I want to go overseas and study to become a nutritionist
10. I love my family,friends and dog
11. I hate school
12. I'm addicted to sweet drinks and sweets and chocolate
13. I love my team so much (L)
14. I love eating sausages
15. I play in a band

okay done that was too easy and fast (y)

2011-08-01T22:25:00.001+08:00

okay, i got this of shannon's blog who got this off her sister's blog who got it off tumblr, and i think glenda is posting this too and since i feel like answering questions about myself now because ive been losing my mind and my fighting spirit and everything maybe it'll help? or just take my mind off everything that is happening now!

1) Post 15 facts about yourself.
2) Write about the best friends you’ve had over the years.
3) If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you want to do?
4) Write about a period of time in your life where things seemed to be constantly going good.
5) Write about a period of time in your life where things were not so good.
6) When was the last time you cried?
7) Upload a recent picture of you.
8) How do you feel today?
9) What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?
10) What’s the meanest thing anyone has ever said to you?
11) Write about the best day of your life.
12) Write about the worst day of your life.
13) What are your plans for the future? Far and near.
14) Post your favorite book, favorite movie, favorite band, and favorite food.
15) Write about something you worry about a lot.
16) Name 2 significant people of your life and explain why.
17) Bullet your day.
18) Post one confession/secret.
19) Write about your last birthday and how you plan to spend your upcoming birthday.
20) Name 5 presents you wish to receive on your birthday.
21) How has your life changed over the past year?
22) What made you smile the most today?
23) Describe what you spend most of your time on.
24) How was your week been?
25) Write a letter to someone you miss.
26) Write about something you once loved, but now despise.
27) Where is somewhere you would want to visit?
28) If you had three wishes, what would they be?
29) Write about any particular habits/mannerisms that you have.
30) Where do you think you’ll be in 5 years?

2011-07-29T19:31:00.011+08:00

oh lord!

what have you done? to us that i loved being with the most!
why take the drive?

The source of motivation,
spark of happiness,
the only pleasant;
everything that matters
in this bloody hell hole.

year after year i try the most but
time after time into the drain it goes.
why work if i'll never get my goal?

Unfairness,
useless attempts,
wasted labour of my own.

Wheres the judge,
or the heart?

Caste(-) a bullet in bone
shelving jars like before

Damn I've lost my car.

Map stolen,
destroyed pillars,
cruel world of stone.

9-11,
its raining rubble.

Burning warmth of the hearth,
loving something that hurts,

No antidote,
escape from the sharks alone.

2011-07-09T23:45:00.002+08:00

hey people,

my blog must be some antique now hahaha, minus the valuable part. watching harry potter 4 on the tv now :D YEAHHH love harry potter man! im supposed to be doing I&I but then the HP is distracting me and i havent done anything besides the book review and i have to hand it up on monday! OHDAMN

anyways, these few days have been sian i guess! block tests over..results like shit! hmm friday it was half day ahaha sat through like 3h of entrepreneur thingo! then went for training! and i was aching so freaking freaking badly okay! now it still hurts!! =.= haha friday still went for self training then went to play basketball with teammies which was so freaking funny :D hahaha then went for dinner, shannon went to visit, and we had a great time (: aha tchoukballers were eating at xinwang so went to say hi (:

then today, went for yamaha, then met up with zf to play tennis! jc courts werent open, they refuse to let us book high sch courts, so we went to maplewoods AHAHA lucky have (: then went to ahma house! we made homemade pasta haha (: cool! man i need to diet

ohno how am i gonna finish I&I in 1 day lol im totally screwed! =.= AHHH CANT WAIT TO WATCH HARRY POTTER ON THURSDAY WITH GY :D WKEJNFLWEFNWENF LAST ONE SO SAD BUT STILL!!!!! ahs ohwells!

2011-06-25T13:34:00.003+08:00

things i absolutely cannot stop being crazy about these days:

taylor swift
the percy jackson series
the heroes of olympus series (and the next book thats only due on october)

and thats all o.o

i know im gonna be dead for this blocks! goes to show that you should never go on an unexpected holiday without doing any studying before that, or coming back 1 week before block tests.

its okay, i know im gonna fail! =.= told moompe and she was like try your best lor! yeah i guess. but the topics are much more that i thought so that means i can only run through them! no time for other stuff! like its saturday and i havent touched econs nor lit! geog was a mere browse through and math was like a little practice here and there! OBVIOUSLY im gonna fail everything! :| just awnna get past this and try to do better for promos :\ ahhhhhhh

2011-05-20T23:46:00.002+08:00

got ze team bands today! :D

ah, morning woke, ate, then went to watch basketball finals with nat! then trish joined us and then we went to meet nicole at far east to find team band :D hahah cool cool! yay we're the first cca to start that!

Then we were gonna walk to cineleisure but then halfway they saw that topshop had sale and decided to walk ONE ROUND! okay so hmm the one round was, HMMM...a really big round? HAHAHA i tried on some clothes too okay! :D plus tricia's farmer shirt HAHHA! ohwells! then they bought some stuff, all of us practically wanted on of the tops but then nic and i didnt end up buying LOL!

Then we walked to cineleisure, tricia had to leave! saw a really nice asics shoes at left foot OMG I WANNA BUY BUT I CURRENTLY DO NO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY, CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I PAID FOR THE TEAM BAND! agh! nvm i'll be back!!!! Then went upstairs to the vans shop, saw a shoe that seemed quite nice but it made my leg look fat(ter) when i wore it so we decided against it! D< agh back to square 1!! D<

does converse make your legs look fat? :\ they suggested converse :\ aish idk i wanna get a team shoe quickly!! ):

hmm then went back, sigh, didnt do any work today! but i have loads of homework to do AHHH! and i need to lose weight! =.=

2011-05-19T21:47:00.004+08:00

ey yo! using my mac to post! havent been using it for a long time! haha

right now im in the living room on the 2nd floor chilling on the couch in front of the tv and aircon! jesse is at my feet playing with her bone (: we'd just came back from a walk in the cooling night! (: Tomorrow is home learning day, no school for us J1s! We;re kinda required to go for basketball finals tomorrow but i abit sian :\ although i wanna go support them!! haha maybe i'l go watch movie plus find band with applehead! we'll see!

But need to do work before that! ah okay nvm lets talk about today first!

Morning we went to present our silver (:( ) trophy to the school, haha it was quite weird standing in front there, but the view is just O.O a sea of black! (damn not blonde and brown) cool lah! but after us volleyball announced so no more glory alr =.= hahahah! then the council investiture, which i spent reading on greek mythology! the book is quite hard to understand lol! and quite sketchy! not gonna make that lose my interest though! (: Then break, then 1.5h econs lecture, which i spend writing letter and reading book.. =.= jolyn chew crashed my lecture and just so happen the lecturer let us off early.. =.= uh.... haha lucky

PW was okayokay, sianed! im not very sure what my group is doing although they know what their doing lol... =.= too caught up in comps! haha okay better start contribuing more or i'll get E for PW or something! hmm then after school went to hand up math lol the teacher asked me why never tell him i not coming lol =.= kind scolding lah but the only bad/embarassing part is that i stuttered. =.= i was like p-p-p-p LOL psps! Then i walked home, then read and played drums and stuff till 6+ then went for private 7-8! and woah my wrist is more painful than last week! ah! doubt it'll become long term but eeeeeee it sucks man! maybe cause i never spray salonpas!! aish

came home and walked jesse! walked for quite long! scary cause we met into stray cat AND dog! which jesse totally ran from! hahaha its cool to walk dog!

im like telling my mum how she repeats what she says to me everyday and surprisingly she knows it LOLOLOL usually mum's will start scolding you when you say that but then moompe just agreed and laughed which is funny! and i said "so im gonna hear this everyday for 2 years?" she said yah LOL =.= and i told her im blogging and she wanted to visit my blog! but the first thing she ask is "did you write in good english anot?" =.= HAAAHA

funny how my mum totally treats the dog like her baby HAHA! everybody does hhahaha apparently nat's fam also! ah this blog is kinda dead, just a place for me to tell what happened in my life to myself.. =.= LOL or to my future self =.= and the tagboard is spammed with spammers so if youre human and a friend and happen to stop by to visit (like shaian did :D) then please leave a message in the tagboard :D thanks hehe

ehhhh lots of stuff to do during holidays! meet up with exclassmates and stuff, study, catch up on homework, tennis etc! ahhh ohwells! okay its 10.11 im getting tired! =.= cya~

BTW I LOVE PERCY JACKSON!!!!!!! :D HAVE I SAID SO? HEHEHEHEHEHE

2011-05-16T20:21:00.003+08:00

ah, didnt get it ):

silver only!

well theres still 1 more year to try but it would be so better if we got it with seniors! :\ sigh ): but despite that we somehow met our goal though! which was to fight for every point till the end, and just go out there and perform! well....i tried my best.. :\ not good enough! but considering that i had a sprained wrist, a painful bone, a whole body of aches and fatigue plus an unstable mental condition a few days before, maybe that was the best =.= sad man!

but i'd like to tell teammies that they did well (: well most.... ah but im all proud of them! first time i see our team spirit like this! it literally felt like we were going to war on the bus to kallang! but ohwells ): cheryl fell down the drain,and had 7 stiches and a ambulance came to get her :\ get well soon!

felt totally tired after that! i was already ready to sleep before we collect the trophy! my match was the longest cause it was 3 sets but the last set was.. =.= rubbish omg zz! was so tired and broken and painful everywhere after that! ): took a 3 day rest lol! and apparently i still need more rest cause im starting to slack although its only 2 more weeks! :\ ah

oh after finals our team went to kallang leisurepark to have dinner and chat (: coach joined us for awhile! and all of us got so excited talking about durians! HAHAHAHAH

past few days have been reading percy jackson books! Heroes of Olympus is kinda the book after the last one, still about percy though! read finish, it was quite good! next one comes out in august this year and i cannot wait man!!!! FASTER!

hmm, friday csm was a totally boring! jessica let me sit out of the 16x200m cause i was injured! thank got man if not i swear i would have just jammed my funny bone and go to the hospital or something! i was so tired omg!!! and was kinda sad, and was kinda angry at stuff! well glendat got hit on the nose by a frisbee and started to nose bleed like shit! get well soon! :\ after that went for lunch at kfc with haiyun glenda and glenda! ate, then when we wanted to go back it started raining really heavily! LOL we got all drenched! like literally drenched!!!!!!!! =.= shoes socks shirt pants hair and all! LOL it was quite funny!!

went back to school and hanged around while they slept before tchoukball training started! then i walked home and started reading =.= LOL sat and sun was pretty much reading and drum lessons! went to search for team shoe at vivo but couldnt really find! had this idea of saving up to buy a band for the whole team! o.o still thnking about it! the sports band kind! gonna cost a bomb but worth it (: cause its team!

then today, monday! woah sian! shoes havent dried yet! went to school, morning first period chinese xiao ce yan! it was so freaking as hard im surely gonna get a single digit! then free period! then recess then geog tut, math tut, lit lecture, lit make up, chinese! total of 5.5 hours of lesson non stop after recess for me and pingxi! we almost died okay! so we decided to pon like half an hour of chinese lol! =.=

and loads of homework! homework and class tests i didnt even know of man! woah this sucks! thats what we get for bringing home the silver medal huh? =.= NO MEDAL FOR HWACHONG NEXT YEAR! finished class then was going to go home then met zhaofeng, played a little tennis then i had to go home! went home, ate, walked jesse!

OH did i mention that i've already brought jesse for walks? :D ahaha its okay lor, nothing much! considering that the weather is so hot plus there arnt any other dogs to look at..=.= maybe walk at the wrong time!

tmr is vesak day! school holiday-yeah! tuition at 8am- boo! DAMN my life sucks! gotta complete alot of homework tmr! and i guess the US ppl not going out ): oh damn! sigh i buay tahan alr!

plus i hate my lit teacher so much.
taking lit was a mistake!
UGH

and im totally crazy over percy jackson now!!! =.=

2011-05-11T23:04:00.003+08:00

i feel....broken!

my whole body is like breaking down ugh!! like physically! bahs :\ tired tired...fatigue,aches,sharp pains, bruises

and sad to say i almost twisted my ankle while jogging just now! ankle is fine but my extra bone, the one below the ankle, hurts! and now thats scary cause the doctor said its connected to an important muscle or something idk... and yeah it hurts.. :\ when my foot is in a certain position! arghz.. sigh

i feel like breaking down mentally too... =.= lemme see, from top down, my neck is slightly sprained, my shoulders are stuff and aching, my right arm triceps just crammed when i stretch, my left forearm is covered with a big bruise along the bone, plus bruise patches on the inside of the forearm, the thumb on my left hand is slightly swollen! my right forearm and wrist is painful! my back is aching the shit out of me and my stomach muscles feel kinda tight! my sides are not stretched either! pain in the left thigh, fatigue and aching on both sides, both knees creak and hurts when i walk/walk up stairs..calves are just tensed, left foot funny bone painful, last toe has that strand of muscle pain thing, the balls of my right foot is painful for a long time!

all before finals, still gonna give my best shot.

and if i get what i want, i wouldnt mind fighting till every muscle and bone in my body breaks down!

please ):

2011-05-11T20:28:00.003+08:00

finals tmr......

this morning played volleyball for PE and i used my left hand only! surprisingly still not bad (: can serve haha! but its really really painful and i have the bruising thing on my hand now, plus its still shaking like mad! ): ohwells!

every part of my body aches. my back, my legs, my arms, my shoulders....my hand is still screwed, my left thigh have some strand of muscle that hurts alot. my knees are hurting with every step i take up or down the stairs...its definately tiring but theres still tmr to go! and tmr i guess its just push out everything that i've got left!

and hopefully overcome the devil inside of me? its been there for very long and its such a fatal flaw. i want the nervousness, the hesitation to all go away,then i can finally start playing tennis! the tennis that i play during trainings, not the sport that im playing during competitions! and honestly, i have no idea if that will happen! i dont know how to overcome this flaw/block! the fact that my performance is getting worst during trainings is not helping me, and im starting to lose confidence. even during training, there is hesitation before every ball i hit, and whats left for me to feel during training is anger and frustration!

Nobody seems to understand that? or maybe they do. no idea! its been bothering me so much that every opponent i face, even if it was my teammates during training, i'd feel like i cant beat them.and no matter how much i talk to myself, it STILL doesnt work.i liked private lessons because it is only then where i "play with my heart"!

now, determination while playing tennis have faded to fear! last week the friday training, it was so damn painful playing tennis! and trust me the feeling of hurting when doing something you love is not pleasent. sucks when you look at the opponent and know you can beat them but your mental block stops you and you start to hold back, making more mistakes. THAT SUCKS! and ive been going through that for the past few days.... IM MENTALLY WORN OUT!

safe to say i tear almost every training for this and last week? i'd get so angry i would throw my racket off the building if self control didnt exist! i get so crazy and haywire inside that i start to sob or talk to myself, like this crazyness is gonna take over me any minute and turn my mental! this sucks!!!!!!!

but tmr, i really hope i can play, and feel happy playing tennis! forget about the pain in my wrist, forget about the pain in my knees, i'll play till my wrist drops out if i can overcome myself!

thats all i hope for! i just want to enjoy playing tennis during competition again! ):

2011-05-10T23:56:00.001+08:00

ah, same thing repeat again in sec 1! not really same thing but kinda the same. less severe though, still can play! (: not as well though :\ causing me to lose confidence but its okay! i'm still in!

aish, knee pain toe pain wrist pain. seriously...? maybe its normal to age so much in JC (y) LOL

finals on thurs, jiayou hctennis (: love you guys to bits! (L)

2011-05-06T06:30:00.000+08:00

CONGRATS HC TENNIS! (:

we made it into the finals, the last time we did was in 2007! and the last time we won a champ was in the 70's.... o.o LOLLOLLOLOL

okay anyway, i was playing like really really damn badly, but then still won! we did a great job overall! (: hope we can see this on thursday too! im sunburnt and whatever but i dont care hahaha! (: today have training!

school is till 1 so im like totally not in a school mood! like how im still blogging at 6.32am and i havent bathed! LOL i feel like reading percy jackson! really like it when i get to immerse myself into fantasy and ignore the outside world! (:

2011-05-01T00:14:00.003+08:00

woah today is a procrastination day!

anyway training in the morning got canceled we went to swiss hotel to play! hahah audrey and i went nutz in my house! hmm ate alot omg damn fat! im procrastinating sleeping now, it was work just now! LOL okay night!

2011-04-25T21:13:00.001+08:00

Raise Your Glass - P!NK

starting to really like this song! (: its so uplifting lol cheers me up a little!

2011-04-25T21:03:00.002+08:00

okay this is really bad! :\

im down with a cold and cough and we're playing raffles on wednesday! :\ we played SAJC today and i didnt play! supposed to rest but i didnt rest either =.= i went to be linesman/ballpicker for the matches, which i really really like doing! (: haha i wanna go to the australian open and be ballpicker ): ohwells

Then its monday night and im still having a cold and cough :\ ugh! feel so dull and stuff! plus theres work to do, PI is due tomorrow and i need to edit mine!

plus, my toe injury is getting more painful, no idea why! =.= and my knees are getting more painful too! =.= esp my left! it really hurts when i bend them! wts im aging so fast! by the time i reach like 20 i think i'll feel like im 50 or something!!!

anyway this weekend we're bringing jesse to see the vet for her 4th jab! then we can start walking her! (: hehe! excited! and im WAAAYYYY behind on homework, i better start catching up after comps omgz :\ kk dont worry about that first! COMPS FIRST!!

btw the combined schools trophy is really nice! (: hahaha. and im still loving my team as much! i like it how we're more bonded! (: but not as bonded yet though!

ohwells okay, i need to do PI! cya~

2011-04-15T23:28:00.002+08:00

had whole week of competition! (:

really hope it bonds the team really more! just got back from team dinner! guys were there also! aish realle hope that the team gets more bonded! (: hhaha i really really really love a bonded team! and i really really really love my team so much! (: its like spending time together as a team is really really, just, nice? (: i just like the feeling so much! plus everybody is so nice and everything! (: hahha oooooO~~~~ haiz

really really really tired omg ): knees and back pain! and my two funny foot injuries also pain! ):

ahhh, wanna spend more time with team! we're also thinking of getting team sneakers (: really really cool haha! man!! (L) (:

tmr ASG trials zzzzz 8-3, how can a trial last for 7 hours? o.o

2011-03-29T23:40:00.002+08:00

oh dang im so tired again! why am i always so tired nowadays! :\

sigh ): tmr training at swiss hotel, then dinner with teammies (: haha YAYAYAYAYAy but then we have to wear jersey! the omg yuck jersey!~ ): OMG totally gonna wear some pe shirt inside or outside! ):

worked on backhand today, was really fun, coach said! hahaha! it makes me happy when im in the moving faster mode! haha aish

shit i was supposed to do PI today but i never ): tmr confirm tired again! SHIT LAH okay nvm nvm tmr chiong!!!!! you better, mun~

and part of my foot, the big toe there is pain zz ):

AND I FEEL LIKE DRINKING 7UP RASPBERRY! recently, cause of sports also, i;ve been like drowning myself in isotonic drinks! LOL haiyoh!

STILL FEEL LIKE DRINKING
okay night

2011-03-28T21:59:00.003+08:00

hmm!

horlicks is nice! man im really tired and shag! slacked the whole night away, didnt even run! just feeling so tired and sian! screwing work!

feel like trying to make horlicks cookies or something!

mmmm nowadays i feel like turning into some retired elderly that just goes to the coffee shop and chill with friends and a cuppa tehbing or something, or milo, or coffee, or whatever! just chill and relax! or maybe some root beer float :D HAHA! JUST CHILL WITH ICE CREAM AND STUFF! oh DAMN I NEED TO CHILL SOMEWHERE WITH FRIENDS~ anybody wants to chill? :\

crystal's campaign group have our vid in it, oh man its gonna be embarrassing! =.=

sleep lah im so tired dk why

2011-03-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

yo ppl!

omg im tired again! =.= ahyah since when im not tired! anyway i havent really been organized this week! like not constantly checking on homework deadlines and other deadlines as welL!

mmm today school was a really really long one! 1h PW, 1.5h econs, 1h math (during break), 1h geog,1h math, 1h lit, 1h CT! lol thats like.. 5h in a row =.= omgz die!

Then after sch went for training and stuff! get well soon jojo! (: hmm was damn pissed man! ): like everything pissed me off during training i practically PMSed for like 2 hours! omg if i continue playing like this i'll just die! luckily ym reacts like me too! think i'll break my racket before comps start! Ugh!

after that went for dinner with jusjus and manda! went to xinwang and i ate the mango pomelo thing haha quite nice but got ice cream damn fattening ): Then went to tea party to chill with the rest! Then went to coffee club! lOL socializing is damn tired i tell you! REALLY TIRED! then still eat ice cream after that! ): walao tmr i become ball alr lah! i better not eat anything or something shit im damn fat i need to go on a diet ):

anyway, i wonder what impression i give ppl! wonder if ppl would think im weird or something :\ ohwells! got training at 8am! and every sat i get pissed cause i cant play in the mornings! plus i move damn slow! and im fat, so tmr im gonna be some turtle rolling on court omg ): OMG I CANT STAND THIS!!!!! and spent the whole night sorting combined schools stuff out! LUCKILY IT GOT SOLVED OR I'LL JUST GO CRAZY! okay

cya tmr~

2011-03-25T00:42:00.002+08:00

hey people, tired today!

sigh okay gonna be a quick one! quicj one can means im typing really really fast too!

gmm k this morning sch sucked lol! anyway we were kinda late for all the lessons cause we kept going to the wrong classrooms =.= hah it was quite funny though! brought my jacket today ahaha but its kinda striking! ): oh nos!

Nothing much, lessons were just the usual boring and now as the semester progresses and nationals are drawing nearer i get more and more tired each day, and more and more busy each day! There are so many stuff i havent settled yet and im just dying =.= UGH! So im like listening less and less in class and playing more and more =.= to get more relaxation of course!

Then after school walked all the way to CCAB with JR to collect combined sch stuff! lol im like proud but yet not proud to be in combined schools =.= if you get what i mean! i think people who are in it will understand, sorta! anyway i probably got in by luck HAH! anyway the jersey is like a dress for me and the other freebies also quite ugly =.= ohwells just be greatful i get some!

Then went back to sch, went home and then AHEM moompe kinda forced me to dye hair and its super light now but she doesnt think so so shes not not dying it back for me today and im so dead tmr =.= later ppl i think i ahbeng omg! or ppl think that i think i look good or something AISH ): i care more about that and getting scolded =.=

btw i didnt know have to hand in PW today or i'd chiong it istead of doing geog last night so shes made us do one more and gave us one demerit, its either not up yet or she was just saying only! =.= so anal zzz! ):

Went to meet JR to buy snacks (: Then followed her to AOR to play with the drums and sit in in her lesson awhile! haha then went home, ate apple and then went for a jog! today wasnt that scary atmosphere! maybe cause more ppl decided to walk their dogs or something. either that or i was too busy chionging to notice!

Then chioned PW, chiong lit essay, and then im left with econs tut 7 which if i dont do, will have to do an econs essay! and i didnt do! some clssmates didnt do either hmm maybe mass copying session tmr (y)

okay gonna die now, nights! craving to listen to taylor's songs =.=

omgz mun youre crazy =.=

2011-03-23T23:59:00.002+08:00

yoz!

today was tiring man! morning PE, ran 2.4 well i obviously slacked but actually i do that because im afraid that when i try my best it wont be upt to my expectations and i'll get really really upset and unmotivated :\ yeah thats why sigh!

Then after 2.4 got the 4 stations thing! one was push ups, which is obviously like my worst physical conditioning thing =.= i suck at push ups and i hope its the "tall people" reason! =.= SIAN! Then second was skipping! which was way too wasy considering that my rope had some weight on it too! Third was like jumping over the cones! ahyah that one easy! just sian to do only! last one was the worst! D: was the wheelbarrow or something? idk but then its the one where you walk on your hands and the other person hold your legs up! Must thank JR for holding me who is like 481298910274017 kg! LOL anyway, it totally trained the part of my arm that was aching already! so it sucked!! ): Then after walking for awhile my wrist started to hurt really badly! :\ and then walk somemore then my back started to hurt really badly too! oh gosh! shouldnt do that again! we did 2 sets

Then math class test which was...haha okay its gonna be my first U! Then GP which was okay! My whole mind was filled with taylor today =.= maybe cause during free period this morning i was watching the videos of taylor performing live that i downloaded into my phone yesterday! LOL forgot to mention i did play like 10 mins of tennis with bryan during free period and 10 mins of tennis with jr during break!

After school i kinda went high cause i really liked one of taylor's performances =.= which i was thinking of! so i went kuku and started spinning and skipping around with my racket as the guitar! =.= aish ps! luckily theres nat and ym who likes taylor too! :D LOL!

Training was okay, im still really really stiff on court, thanks to all the drills! and now my backhand is total crap which i kept getting pissed about today! Woah i was like like that confirm lose lah! DAMN ZZ I NEED TO GO WORK ON IT!!!! Then today the sun was super extremely hot???!?!??! omgz! i almost had a heatstroke or something! Went to buy a drink halfway!

After training went to buy sogurt, then sushi then went for training! lol! while i was doing a backhand oh hand suddenly hurt really badly! :O and it still does when i put pressure on it when palm down on the floor! O.O oh nos! plus, im getting really weird injuries here! o.o theres one where its like, the bone nearest to the little toe? the one at the side of the foot! theres some muscle there that hurts quite badly when i stop using my left foot! This one is from line touches i think! Then theres another one, the big part below the big toe where we always get blisters on my right foot kinda hurts too!o.o starting to hurt more! WTP IS THIS! O.O

anyway, done and came back and i wanted to play drums but my adaptor thing is not there thanks to gert and the acoustic guitar too! ZZZZ!everything just disappears! one day the dog is gonna disappear lending it to his friend too or something! sian! so i used the electronic guitar to play hhaha not so shuang! really feel like performing! Miss band and stuff! want to sing with shaian!! or anybody who really enjoys singing and these type of things! still thiking if should perform in inspire and grad night 2011! ohwells :\

kk damn tired from all the training! gtg bye~

2011-03-23T00:45:00.003+08:00

heyo!

mm its quite late gonna be a fast one too i hope =.= LOL! anyway today was damn epic cause my parents really thought there was no school =.= although i told them alr =.= then my dad said this morning that he didnt really get the "its not founders day" part! LOL okay nvm! woke up at 7.45 then realised i wasnt at school and then i'd be mark late if i go! =.= so might as well hand in parents letter tmr!

Then went back to sleep and woke around 11! ate brunch and tried to do geog, then gave up cause idk how to do! wasted time =.= then went to study for math test tmr...today! =.= lOL shit die! but i did the supplementary long long time ago! ohwels!

tmr PE, dont feel like running man! gonna anyhow! and i wasted much of my day on taylor too! Hmmm these few nights when i go walk/jog its like, the whole atmosphere is kinda eerie and scary :| man im scared! think tmr im not gonna go jogging after private! :\

aiyah sian tmr got school! bought some drinks and strawberry meiji milk after jogging hhaa! (: and then i learnt the exact, or very close to it, bg vocals for enchanted :D haha really really nice taylor has nice bg vocals in her song! really nice to sing!one day gonna sing it with shaian or something! (: okayokay gtg sleep cya tmr!

sigh, i said it out and it stopped happening =.= damn i should just keep my mouth shut! still wanna talk to you! :\

2011-03-22T00:07:00.002+08:00

hey people!

its 12.12am, on a monday. Today CIP was really..hmm, kinda unproductive lah i wish i had the chance to do more! ohwells. anyway im damn tired now!

after CIP went to eat popeyes with ashley, then went back home to chill with ashley and amanda. lol camwhored, wow like first time! actually its just playing with the webcam =.= aish unglam ttm! wonder why ppl dont gey embarrassed from camwhoring i currently already am cause the photos are all on fb ):

ohwells, had an awersome time with ashley and amanda! (: hth talks toO! i just finished the econs essay, and i havent done PW and im psting WOW! dead lah! geog havent finished also! aiyah wtv alr i somehow feel i havent had a break at all! :\ like i need one! need to jiayou hmm i'll start soon! Kinda sucks cause my whole mind is filled with tennis now and theres hardly any space for work! DIE!

anywy, look at taylor's picture in Norway, its really beautiful! i think i posted this before okay nvm i got dementia haha! post again cause shes really awesome! listened to instrumental versions of her songs whole writing eocons essay :D hahah really nice! OMG SIAN DIE

Trying to get used to everything in JC still! sometimes wished the pace would slow down abit for me to catch up! I just needed some time and stuff! Plus there are many changes and many stuffs going on, many things to worry and many things to do! That sometimes i wish i could take a time machine back to hmm.well sec 4 would be fine but i'd rather sec 1! At least can be mentally prepared! :\ sigh okay nvm! better go sleep since im ponning PW and many other homework! feel so screwed but dont feel like caring haiz wanna pon sch tmr and im kinda serious about it. parents think tmr is founders day but i was joking =.=

okay night~ tmr sure kenna scolding by teachers or something!

2011-03-21T01:13:00.002+08:00

heyhey!

okay this is NO GOOD! im starting to sleep later and later! ): ohno this is bad bad bad! sigh ): maybe cause recently have been procrastinating alot of work omg ): sigh still not done with geog =.= and eoncs RIP mun

Hmm STILL ON THE TAYLOR CRAZE :D hehehe really idolize her alot O.o! wanna tour with her and stuff ):

ohyah, today morning i woke up then went to NUS to play combined schools! all three of them were seniors (: from HC and from tennis! AHAHA and one from ny somemore! and one is ym's sister haha! its so cool! :D ohwells! played a 2 hour match! 2 sets! first one went to tie break cause i went to play badminton with the opponent and she was better than me at that =.= so there goes why was i so stupid! should have just calmed down and think! got realy frustrated! :\ LOL her lobs were so high that i ran into the fence trying to get it! and got a stupid cut =.= plus a really really big bruise!

stupid jolyn chew broke her strings while playing against tamsyn! LOL luckily i kiasu brought another racket! WOAH! LOL! anyway the match lasted for 2 hours the second set was like 6-2! FINALLY! then went to queensway to help send the combined schools shirts for printing, and restring jolyn's racket. then went back home for lunch, then jr and bryan came over for geog project. okay wasnt really project cause all of us was fooling around but some work was done at least :\

we went to xin wang to have a late dinner after that! means im gonna get fatter omg ): play more tennis more tennis! sigh tmr morning fac CIP im waking up to reach school earlier at 7+ to play tennis with ym HAAHA! (y)

aish up till now i wonder if i said yes to my drum teacher to have private lessons when i was 14, what would happen! he started learning drums at 14 and got a scholarship overseas and i could have done the same too! i'd rather drums than stuDying honestly! DANG i should have done that! ): DANG DANG DANG ohwells! i want an acoustic drumset ): and still daydreaming about playing drums for taylor! DAMN! this sucks ):

watched more of her live videos on youtube! plus the ones she played in singapore omg! i totally miss the concert lah! plus i should have bought more merchandise ): i want pls! nah, i just wanna meet her and tell her how awesome she is! and then get her to sign on something plus a picture and hug :D then my life is complete i can go die! LOL kidding! but it will kinda be! =.=

haiz :\ i had alot of things to blog about during the day but i forget everything at night =.= SHIT ITS 1.40AM OKAY IM GONNA DIE TMR BYE